


Missed You, Missed Home

by buckybarney



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Soft Bucky, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24230032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybarney/pseuds/buckybarney
Summary: Bucky Barnes loves you but has a hard time accepting your love in return.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 39





	Missed You, Missed Home

**Author's Note:**

> ♫ Inspired by Missed You by The Weekend ♫

Bucky missed you, despite how hard he tried to deny it. He should’ve known letting you go would hurt like this, but he convinced himself otherwise, lying about how deeply he felt for you all because he was scared. 

Now, as Bucky paced in front of your apartment door almost a month after leaving, he wasn’t quite sure what to do. He wanted to run back into your arms, to the place that felt like home this whole time, and tell you just that; Tell you all the things that he should have said instead of leaving, things like how his heart never felt so full, so loved, than when he was with you, how his body ached when he wasn’t near you, how-

“No, stop it, Bucky. Stop it.” He muttered to himself, hands gripping his long hair as he shook his head in desperation. 

He needed your gentle voice to remind him it was okay to be loved. Okay to feel like he deserved it. He missed you.

Bucky’s thoughts turned dark as he thought back to when you confessed your love, and then he remembered how everything went wrong.

. 🗽.

You and Bucky had been together for almost a year and a half, neither of you knew the exact date as you were happy just living in the moment for once. You met accidentally when Bucky nearly ran you over with his gentle but large body in his hurry to leave the little bookstore that had become his safe place away from the tower. You just happened to collide, almost like fate in that small bookstore doorway as the spring rain was beginning to sprinkle the New York streets. 

The second time you met, you were both slow, slow to realize who you were looking at, and slow to confess your desire to meet up for coffee. Your soft laugh as Bucky struggled to ask you out on a coffee date was returned wholeheartedly by him when you struggled to get your phone, a piece of paper, anything, out of your bag to write down his number. You hoped you didn’t look too desperate, and Bucky didn’t think he had seen anything more adorable in a long time.

You always were a bit clumsy and he was a bit shy, but you completed each other, filling in the cracks where the other had been broken before, and building each other up to the best versions of yourself. Time passed easily, deliciously slow, as the love unfolded between you two over time.

.🗽.

It was raining again, at the same bookstore where you met when you told him you loved him. You were both late again, rushing out of the door in the same direction this time, almost late for your dinner reservation a few blocks down. 

Your lips were still red from the secret kisses you shared between the safe haven of the bookshelves, surrounded by calmness and your steady love. Bucky laughed heartily at the rain and joked about your first meeting and pulled off his jacket to give to you. The look in his eyes as he stared down at you in that downpour shocked you, made you see the true depth of your feelings for him, and it was startling how hard they hit you.

“Bucky,” you whispered, “I love you. So much. You know that, right?” 

Your words were nothing but sweet, and the way you looked up at him was so gentle and loving he swore his heart could break under the pressure, because sometimes, when you don’t quite love yourself, accepting someone else’s love feels immpossible.

“Baby-” he began, gently, eyes wet with the rain or forming tears, you couldn’t tell.

You shushed him when he started, “I just wanted you to know, you never have to feel rushed with me but I will always be here. Always. That’s a promise.”

Your hand on his arm, so light and caring, the weight of your honesty, almost made him faint. He knew you didn’t intend to overwhelm him, he could see it in your eyes, but loving himself was hard sometimes. 

Loving you, however, was easy. The easiest thing he had ever done, as he once confessed to Steve on a rare night months ago when he voiced his doubts to his friend yet again. He was worried about ruining you or putting you in danger but Steve reminded him, not nearly as gently as you, that he deserved this. Deserved love and deserved you. 

And Bucky loved you, so much it hurt, but his past, which he never felt quite fast enough to escape, and the self-deprecating voice in his head, told him it was all too good to be true and that wasn’t good enough for you and your love.

He smiled down at you that day in the rain, but inside his mind was made up.

Bucky left the next day, with a soft kiss pressed against your forehead as you slept next to him, and a left note by the door. He needed time, it said, needed to think about some things. He had tears in his eyes as he left the small apartment that had become home to him, and left too the home he found in your arms.

. 🗽.

You could never hate Bucky, never hold anything against him, and in a way, you expected this. You knew Bucky’s doubts and fears, just as he knew yours, and you knew your confession could scare him off, but it was a risk you knew you needed to take. He deserved to know the true extent of your feelings and though he could not voice it yet, you could see in his eyes and actions that he loved you too.

So, you waited. A week turned in to two, then three, until nearly a month after he left taking your fragile heart with him, you heard pacing from the hallway outside your little apartment.

You knew it was Bucky, you had practically memorized the sound of his steps from the amount of time you two hard shared in the same space. You rushed to the door, cracked it open, and looked at the love of your life beating himself up in that cold hallway.

The noise pulled Bucky from his thoughts and a soft strip of light cut across his features when he turned around. 

There you were. His decision had been made for him. The relief he felt at seeing you again and taking in your kind face that he loved so much was monumental. It did not surprise him one bit that he was relieved, because he knew the whole time running could never work; he belonged with you, and you with him.

. 🗽.

“Bucky, is that you?” His name on your lips after all this time apart was the sweetest song he could imagine. 

He missed you, missed home.

“Buck … baby, are you okay?” Your figure was soft in the door, framed by the lights from inside your place which made you look almost as angelic as he knew you were. 

His face crumbled.

“Bucky, sweetie, come inside.” You pleaded, softer this time if that was even possible, “It’s cold out there, baby.”

Your arm reaching for him held all of his deepest desires and a second chance with you. But Bucky’s thoughts were tumultuous, he knew he probably didn’t deserve the second chance; worried he was about to get told off for leaving you in the first place. 

But you wouldn’t do that right? You were the sweetest woman he knew, that’s why he fell for you in the first place after all. A light just poured out from within you affecting anyone who was even remotely nearby. He was weak for you.

“Baby, it’s been a while,” you started hesitantly, once again shaking him from his thoughts.

You were still gripping his arms gently in your doorway having just shut the door to preserve the warmth inside. 

What Bucky didn’t know, or didn’t allow himself to realize, was that you had been waiting for him this whole time. Bucky had never felt a love like yours in his whole life, patient, giving, kind, and so, so passionate.

‘Of course, she waited,’ Bucky scolded himself, feeling his guilt creeping back at having left you waiting for so long, with no word from him, just that scrappy note. (Steve had been furious when he heard what Bucky did.)

“Honey,” you could have shaken with your joy at seeing him again, “Baby, you came back. Why did you come back?”

Bucky knew he had to do this, had to tell you the truth.

Finding his voice was hard, but not impossible. “Y/N, I swear I didn’t ever mean to hurt you, baby I just, I just-“ he huffed slightly dropping his head a bit, struggling with his words. Your boy was so soft.

You gave him the time he needed to process his thoughts and you were rewarded when he spoke again.

“I love you Y/N, and I know you love me too, I mean of course I know… you told me yourself, and-” Oh no, he was rambling again, his voice deep and gruff with emotion. He shook his head, starting over -

“I love you and for some reason, when you said you loved me that day, I just, I just couldn’t handle it. I tried to forget you, baby, forget how hard you love me, and find something less kind, more like what I think I deserve, but it’s you, baby. It’s always been you. And… Steve knocked some sense into me too, ya know how he is,” his voice shook, soft, “But baby, I love you. I swear I’ll never leave you again if you give me another chance.” 

Bucky finished with his head hung low, watery eyes looking down at his feet. 

You felt an indescribable sense of relief, Bucky was okay, Bucky was home. (You also made a mental note to thank Steve, maybe buy him a nice meal. Maybe buy him three.)

You drew his eyes up to yours with your hands on his cheeks. “Bucky, baby, I’m so happy you came back. Thank you for telling me all of that. You know I still love you right? I-” you hesitated, laughing gently, “Well I um, I kinda worried you might have a hard time accepting my admission but you needed to know how I felt, and I couldn’t hold it any longer. I’m sorry I scared you baby, but I’m so glad you came back.” Your voice broke a bit from the emotions coursing through you and Bucky held you tighter.

Of course, she knew something like this would happen, Bucky mused to himself, you always did know him so well. He whispered, letting his love seep through his words, “Thank you, baby, thank you for not giving up on me.”

“Never,” you replied firmly, “I made you a promise, remember?” 

Looking into his eyes, being held in his arms again, you felt your universe shift back into place, a little bit to the right, and the alignment was once again fixed with Bucky by your side and you in his arms. 

You leaned up to press your lips against his, and time stopped briefly at the familiar sensation of his warm breath mixing with yours, his plush lips meeting your own. You broke apart, looked into each other’s eyes letting out tiny breaths, tiny laughs, and moved again to connect as you were always meant to. 

You wanted him with every aspect of your being, and he knew he wanted the same; he was finally ready to accept the love you were offering him and return it tenfold.

. 🗽.

Later that night, as you lay in your lover’s arms, finally at home, you glanced at his beautiful face and smiled, something mischievous flickering in your eyes.

“Tell me the truth Bucky, how did you really decide to come back so soon, I know for a fact it wasn’t just Steve, you’re too stubborn for that.”

He pouted, “I’m not that stubborn, doll, ‘m not stubborn at all.”

“Yes you are Bucky! But seriously,” you pressed on, “what was it?”

“Honestly baby,” you made a soft noise telling him to continue, “I called another woman by your name.”

A pause, a breath, and he continued, clearly exasperated and embarrassed, the sweet boy.

“We weren’t even intimate or nothin’! I just, I don’t know, she smiled and held a door for me, the door! And her hair looked just like yours, ya know, that thing you do with the curls that I love, and I just blurted it out! ‘Thank you, Y/N.’ I laughed to try and cover it up, but uh, she wasn’t too amused,” he chuckled, looking a bit sheepish. He even blushed a bit.

You, on the other hand, burst out laughing, burying your face in his warm chest, and didn’t settle down for a good few minutes. 

Your boy really was so soft.

‘Yeah,’ he thought, holding you closer, ‘this is it for me. This is home.'


End file.
